The scene: in the car
Boy 2: (points out window) Who's that on the sidewalk?
Me: I don't know.
Boy 2: What's her name?
Me: I don't know. I don't know her.
(thirty second pause)
Boy 2: (points to a small group of trees) Who's that boy in the woods?
Me: I don't know.
Boy 2: You don't know?
Me: I don't know.
Boy 2: (another pause) You don't?
Me: There are lots of people I don't know. Do you believe that?
Boy 2: (pause again, then hushed voice) Neither I don't.
The scene: in the car again
Boy 1: ...and we saw the tiger at the zoo.
Boy 2: Yes, we DID see a tiger!
Boy 1: And we saw the bongos.
Boy 2: Yes, we DID see the bongos!
Boy 1: And we saw some elephants.
Boy 2: Yes, we DID see some elephants!
Boy 1: And we saw a turtle.
Boy 2: No, it was a land tortoise.
Boy 2: No, it was a land tortoise.
The scene: Boy 2 walking in with hand to face
Me: Finger out of your nose, please.
Boy 2: (points to top lip) It's not in my nose, it's on my mustache.
Me: (laughing) You don't have a mustache, silly. That's your lip.
Boy 2: Not a mustache?
Me: No. No one in this whole house has a mustache.
Boy 2: Not even Dada?
Me: No. He has a special haircut every single night just so he won't get a mustache.
Boy 2: (dead serious look) No, he don't.
Me: Uh huh, he does.
Boy 2: (thoughtful pause, then points to top lip again) It's my mustache.
The scene: at school to pick up Boy 1, with Boy 2 wearing his cape, which he refused to leave at home
Teacher: Ooh, look, it's Superman!
Boy 2: (look of disgust) No. I'm Robin.
Teacher: Oh! Well, hi, Robin.
Boy 2: (dead why-isn't-this-obvious stare, not a hint of amusement) Yes. Robin.
And lest you think Boy 2 is the only one making us stifle our laughter these days...
The scene: Boy 1 and Boy 2 sitting at bar stools examining the grocery ads from the paper
Boy 1: (pointing) And we put Pizza Rolls on the list.
Boy 2: (pantomimes writing) Yes, Pizza Rolls.
Boy 1: Fiber One. Fiber One on the list.
Boy 2: Yes, Fiber One.
Boy 1: Grapes! And pineapple! This goes on the list.
Boy 2: Yes, on the list too.
Boy 1: And Fiber One. Fiber One!
Boy 2: On the list.
Boy 1: Look, some Cheerios. We put it on the list.
Boy 2: Yes, Cheerios.
Boy 1: And Fiber One!
Boy 2: Yes--
Me: What do you know about Fiber One? Why do you think you want Fiber One?
Boy 1: (bouncing on stool, practically frantic) We PUT it on the LIST! Fiber One! On the list!
Boy 2: (look of indulgent patience) OK, Fiber One on list.
Boy 1: (smiling) Ye-e-e-e-e-s!
And just to make sure no one in the household misunderstood, Boy 1 hung these signs on the bathroom door--the downstairs bathroom, of course, where the litter box is.
The scene: Boy 1 drawing, talking to himself quietly, then suddenly looks up.
Boy 1: Mama, does cats poop?
Me: Yes.
Boy 1: (look of wonder) Yeah. Cats does poop. And dogs, too?
Me: Yes.
Boy 1: Yes, and lions and snakes, too.
Me: Yes.
Boy 1: (yells to next room) Hey Boy 2, do you know cats poop?
And just to make sure no one in the household misunderstood, Boy 1 hung these signs on the bathroom door--the downstairs bathroom, of course, where the litter box is.
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